Friday, February 17, 2012

 

This Means War

This Means War I don't have any doubt that the US government wastes my tax dollar like there's no tomorrow. However, if there is a remote chance for what is happening in director McG's ludicrous comedy "This Means War" (USA 2012 | 98 min.) to be true, the C.I.A. should have been dissolved long time ago. The film looks like a desperate attempt of creating an episode of a mediocre TV sitcom, and it fails miserably.

Two good-looking hunks FDR (Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) are partners as C.I.A. agents. After a mishap during an operation in Hong Kong, they are grounded in the office. In order to kill the boredom, they decide to go on a dating Web site to find a woman to date. By coincident, they miraculously pick the same beautiful woman Lauren Scott (Reese Witherspoon).

Unknown to Lauren, FDR and Tuck are waging a war to see who can court Lauren, at tax payer's expense. Believe it or not, both FDR and Tuck are able to mobilize all the technology and facility available at the C.I.A. as well as other C.I.A. personnel to conduct surveillance on each other during this alpha male's dating game. Really?

Lauren is a good sport as well, she innocently dates these two guys, not exactly at the same time, but on alternative days of a week, so FDR and Tuck can escalate the tension with new developments in their war.

Of course, the film is filled with other unrealistic fighting, mindless actions, big explosions, mean drug traffickers, reckless car chasing and all other necessary fast-food ingredients in an unhealthy happy meal.

Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy in This Means War

Like most fast food, the film provides no nutrition value; but to some, it offers instant gratification. Afterwards, you wonder what you have to do to get rid of the bad stuff you take in. Here are things you can do that might help. Watch Reese Witherspoon in "Election" (1999) when she is actually funny. Watch Tom Hardy in "Warrior" (2011) when he is tough and brilliant. Watch Chris Pine in "Unstoppable" when he heroically deals with true crisis.

If anything in this film resembled truth, you would know the real reason why the US has such a huge deficit—it's all C.I.A.'s fault for having guys like FDR and Tuck messing around with our tax dollars.

"This Means War," a 20th Century Fox release, opens on Friday, February 17, 2012, at Bay Area theaters.


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